I sit quietly alone. My eyes close and I begin a meditation for my day. I cannot quell the mental interruptions. An air of restlessness fills me. I breathe. Focus on my breathing, but I cannot. What is filling me with this uneasiness? Again I breathe. My lungs ache. My soul aches. My head pounds. My heart aches. What is it? The seat of my soul screams in pain.

I open my eyes and stare into space. I feel the world. I cannot shake these feelings. Ferguson, Staten Island, Texas, all deaths at the hands of police. 28 years a cop’s wife flies into perspective. I am afraid for him. It has become open season on police. He works as a leader of a group of men who respond when the police call for help. He deals with the craziest, angriest, and most dangerous. He has stood on the remains of the world trade center, has crawled into crushed cars to calm and rescue the injured and trapped, he has forced his way into homes of the deranged threatening to take their own lives and those of others. The list goes on and now I am afraid because it is again politically correct to hate cops. I am afraid.

Two little girls are kidnaped in a small town in NY. They live a simple life. And in a heartbeat it will never be the same. Two monsters take them into a world of darkness by sexually assaulting them. I have two daughters. I am afraid. College campuses catch the news media as sexual assault complaints rise. The debate about morning after remorse vs criminal act continues. I am afraid. Nothing has changed since I was in school. My thesis about the dirty little secret of date rape is as pertinent today as it was then. I close my eyes and feel the evil touch of a man who I considered a friend. I still cannot hear “When doves cry” without wanting to vomit. I have two daughters and I am afraid.

The world is such as small place. I am trained as a research biologist. Ebola and an entire group of other diseases are just a plane ride or gene mutation away from becoming a problem here. I am afraid. I have four children. The keepers of the science have made deadly mistakes in the care of the diseases they study. By the grace of god we have stayed safe. Carelessness will be our undoing as hours are long and the caretakers are reduced in budget fights. I am afraid.

Evil continues to fight in this world. Israel vs. Hamas, Tribal wars in Africa.  Groups so passionate in their beliefs that the murder of children is tolerated. I have four children. I am afraid.

Watch any news show and you see ignorance. People who believe only what they hear. Studies show the more humans hear something, they take it on as their truths. Media obstructs truths. War is ugly, people die. It is not a sanitary process. People fail to follow lawful orders of police. Life is not a law and order episode. There are consequences. Children are disrespectful of teachers and teachers are unable to discipline. Parents rule the schools. Learning disappears. I am afraid.

The fall season is soon upon us. School begins. Life continues its circle. The feeling in my gut begins to swallow me. I feel hollow. My heart beats fast in my chest. My mind races. Breathe. Slow down, Concentrate. Breathe. Fear. Breathe. Why . Hush. My body aches so. I close my eyes. I breathe. I am afraid.